Experience the Presence of God - Lent 2009

Today is April 25, 2009, a day of gladness and joy in God. The Lent is over but the experience of the Lent remained. Experience of the pain and suffering, wilderness and doubtfulness, peace and joy and most of all the pure love of the Creator for the Creature and the respond of the Creature for his Creator whom he called Father. With a joyful heart, I praise and glorify God for His generosity in bestow His abundant graces and blessing to a sinner like me.

As always for the Lent Season, I make a request form my God, not a positive but a negative which most human will not ask. My Lent's humbled request was just to be ever in God's Presence and be given the privilege to share the suffering and pain of my Lord Jesus Christ carrying the Cross to Calvary, nailed on the cross and striked with a lance in the ribs. Beside I also planned for a forty days of fasting and prayer for my family, brothers and sisters, friends and relatives. And also for my new friends in the Facebook whom I called brothers and sisters included Papa Chedet family. My life was great for the first week with blessing and graces from God. I thought, "this is very good!" as this is my first time I make a negative petition.

The second week, I was having an appraisal and I give my appraiser his worst time as my recklessness and anger burst in me. I have no future this company if he put in record what I have said to him. In my heart, I said "God, help me I know not what I am doing." I even pray in tongues as I am desperate to undo what I have done. I am going down the drain and I knew the very 'thing' I have asked is coming.

The next day, the doctor gave me a high blood pressure medicine Micardis 40g. In my heart, I asked "is that it, God?" The warm and peace filled my heart. At the same time, my younger brother Laihi is keeping his attack on my Catholic faith and I pray for my brother well being and be touch my Spirit of God. He is a good and caring except he want to be number one. The medicine works as it stabilised my BP. I thought it's over and now I can enjoy my normal life.

It's the 20th days of my fasting and I felt grateful to God for the minor suffering and pain. On the same Saturday after work, I went to the Evening mass with my wife at Devine Mercy Church in Shah Alam. Everything seems going well during the mass but at the moment the Priest lifted up the Holy Host, the bread of life.....a shape and acute pain striked my right back below my kidney. I praise God and I cried of pain and yet I am calm and at peace inside. The mass continued and my pain increasing......and I cried like baby, "I am unworthy, Lord." The doctors at first dignosed it as kidney faillure, then gall stone and at last Urinary Tract Infection (UTI). Wonder why doctor like to guess and I became their subject of experiment. The next two weeks , I enjoy my daily suffering and pain as every night doctor gave me a jab. Now I realised of all the pain that I gone through namely internal injury of one year pain due to tournament fighting, bitten by the wild cat and rat, sting by scorpion, bees and spider, torn my tendon achilles during my badminton game were nothing compared to this pain. I thanks God for the privilege to experience this suffering and pain. Now I also admired with respect on those with prolong sickness and less hope to live a normal life because they are the real HERO and SURVIVOR. May God grant them comfort and strength in their daily life.

On Good Friday, I am back to normal and I stop my Micardis 40g.
Is that over? Not yet......family fighting at home back in Sarawak and I heard my sister Monica is crying on the phone. I called home and talk to Mother. What went wrong? Mother is very angry and she want to end everything. She told me that to take one own life is stupid and I said, "YES! very stupid!" and I told her she is too smart to be that stupid. We talked and joke over the whole thing and she want to come over to KL to rest her mind. I love her and may God be always with her. My sisters had done a very good support for my old parents but I have done none. I felt bad for that and the priest during my reconciliation....said, "BRING THEM FOR A WALK AND SPENT TIME WITH THEM."

Now is really over as Lent Season had passed and Easter Season is on and the Presence of God is more intense as ever.

My prayer: "O God, my Heavenly Father, help me to begin each day with you. Drive deep within my soul the truth that You are the most important person in my life and for that reason my first contact in the morning should be with you. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Lord Jesus, thank you for being the WAY to the One true God, the Father of All. Let us be one as I am completely yours and You are mine forever and ever. Amen.