I am falling in love again

Friday is a day of peace and a day of letting go of our desires and wants. It’s a day of purification of our minds and bodies and be one with our real self or our inner self. 

Some even fast on Friday and others abstain from meat, just to purify themselves. Catholic observes abstain from meat for the rest of their lives on Friday for this very purpose. The choice lies on the believer though. It’s not a sin to eat meat on Friday but the profit of the action is much greater for our inner selves.

Our real selves are pure as our creator is pure and holy. It’s the world and it’s creations that defile our real selves. But we need these ‘dirt’ to make us humble to realize of who we really are. These ‘dirt’ is also known by many names and some called it as temptation or tribulation or trial. These ‘dirt’ is not sin but we are sinful when we allow ourselves to be engage in the ‘dirt’ though we know it can make us dirty. These ‘dirt’ even bring us closer to God if we know it’s profitability. It’s like a fire that burn the dirty gold ore into shining gold. There is pain and suffering involved but the benefit is a hundred fold if we are able to overcome it.

We may throw ourselves in the dirt knowingly as the dirt is already within us since we are born. We lost our rest and peace once we are born into the world. Our whole life in the world is a journey to get back the rest and peace that we lost at birth. Some called this rest as God’s Presence or Grace.

Our beloved God and Creator has these to say to us while we are playing and covering ourselves in the dirt, in Psalm 95:11,

”Therefore in my anger I swore, “They shall never enter my rest.”

And yet God is always calling us back to him day and night as the Psalmist in Psalm 95 proclaimed,

“O that today you would listen to His voice! Do not harden your hearts, as at Meribah…”

God further stress on listening in the Gospel of Luke 9:35 which read,

Then from the cloud came a voice that said, “This is my Son, my Beloved; listen to him!” 

I know I complain and talk more than listening to God even to his Word.

And yet I am always longing for His Presence as that is the real rest for me. Since I was a child in my Primary school, I always keep one of my favorite beatitude close to my heart. It’s was taken from the Holy Bible, Matthew 5:8

“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.”

I am longing to see God and be with Him as a Father with his child. But the world teaches me that you can only see God when you die. 

Wow! That’s scared me. 

The truth is you do not have to die to be with God. God is always ‘there’. It’s me who is not ‘there’. I follow my own will not his will. My own will is always corrupted with greed and selfishness but his will is for the common good and the best for me. Why I do not follow the examples of the prophets of old and my Lord Jesus who cried to their God, “Thy will be done!”? 

God switches to channel 95.5 to talk to me and I turn to channel 88.8 because of the good number and yet I said, God never talk to me because I can not hear due to the wrong channel. I blame God though I am at fault. 

By God mercy and forgiveness, slowly I switch to the right channel through prayer and guidance of my elders in the Church.

Do I become more holy and free of trial and temptation? 

Nah. 

The journey becomes tougher and the temptation becomes more frequent and heavier. The falls become my teacher. And each fall drives me to be stronger and walk closer to God who filled my heart with his love and transform my pain and suffering into joy in midst of crisis. That is real peace, the peace within. I make full use of His gift to the Church which is the Sacrament of Reconciliation. My skull maybe thick but I believe God always forgive and full of mercy.

I pray for myself.

“Have mercy on me, O God. I am a sinner from my mother’s womb. Forgive me for my sin. I desire nothing in heaven but you. I want nothing on earth but to be with you, hear your voice and do your will. Let me speak what you want me to speak, Let me hear what you want me to hear. Let me see what you want me to see. Let I be completely yours now and forever.”

And I pray for others,

“O God, Bless those eyes that see me, Blessed those ears that hear me, Bless those hands that help me, Bless those feet that comes to me, Bless those minds that think of me, Bless those hearts that have compassion and mercy for me. Bless those whom I touch today. Llet those touch be not mine but yours. Let those touch be a touch of love. Let those touch be a touch peace. Let those be a touch of forgiveness. Let those touch be a touch of healing and unity. Let those touch bring them back to you. I believe and trust in you alone, O God. In Jesus precious name, I pray. Amen.”

And I believe in His promise in Psalm 91:14-16 (NRSV)

“Those who love me, I will deliver; I will protect those who know my name. When they call to me, I will answer them; I will be with them in trouble, I will rescue them and honor them. With long life I will satisfy them, and show them my salvation.”

My heart overflow with the sweetness of his love, my being is in the fragrant of his presence and my mouth proclaim to the world, 

“I am falling in love again!”

“I am falling in love with you, O God, the One who created me.”

Valentine Day 2011

Today is February 14^th, a special day for all couples in the world and I want to make it special too. 

As I woke up this morning, I have a plan in my mind of what I am going to do today…to celebrate this special day. On the other hand tonight I am having a class on Christian Meditation at 8.00pm. My heart said, “Go for the class!” but I pushed it aside. Funny. My heart was not filled with joy and love but reckless. I do not even utter my normal morning “I love You” to my wife. Worst still it’s difficult for me to say, “Happy Valentine Day” to anyone. I said to myself, “this is not good. Something or someone is playing with my life today.”

We go to the office as normal and on the way along NKVE my wife asked, “Where are we going tonight?” I responded, “Sushi Tei at Tropicana Mall!” And she cut it off with, “Can we change to non-Japanese food or not?” and added “You want to go to church is it?” I just kept quite but in my heart I pray, “God, help me.”

In the office, we worked as normal and at around 12.45pm, my wife called and informed me that we will be going out to repair her car at a workshop near St. Ignatius Church, Kelana Jaya. My heart said, “I bring you to the church!” I said, “Cannot be!” and forget about it. 

We send the car to the workshop to replace the two rear absorbers and it will be ready in two hours. Then we go for lunch at a RM2.00 Buddhist Vegetarian shop which cost us RM4.00 for food and RM2.00 for 100plus. Cheap lunch but taste good. After lunch we took a cab to the office with cost us RM7.20 but my wife gives the driver RM7.50. 

As evening approach, I ask my friends for a lift to Paramount LRT Station but most of them have their own plan. The rain added the difficulty to our journey as it starts at 4.30pm. But I believe we can make it. I called my wife and she told me that she want to go to Esprit Shop at Tropicana Mall after we get the car. And I respond, “Esprit! Not again!” With a bit down and sadness in my heart I pray, “God, help me.” 

At around 5.50pm, my wife immediate superior send us to Paramount LRT Station. In the car, my wife informed me that earlier today she had also called  Shogun Japanese Restaurant at One Utama but it’s fully booked for today. Today food at Shogun cost RM62++ per pax. And we took a LRT to Kelana Jaya LRT Station which cost us RM1.00 each. Then we walk to the car workshop at Taman Plaza which takes us 8 minutes. It’s faster than if I am walking alone. How come?

The church is in front of us and heart glow with gladness. My wife’s car is parked in front of Loong Foong Chinese Restaurant. My wife said, “The car is ok already!” And I respond, “It should be!”

We go straight to the cashier for payment and it’s amounting to RM508. The mechanic informed her that they also done the car balancing and now it’s in good condition. In the front of the workshop, I said to my wife, “can we have a drink at the Mamak shop?” My wife responds, “Not need lo. We will have dinner at Tropicana Mall and I want to go to Esprit.” I am rejected again but in my heart I pray, “God, help me.”

As we walk to the car, my wife presses the car’s key button and the car lock!!!. In an angry voice, my wife cried in frustration, “What! They didn’t lock my car?! She looks in the car and finds nothing missing. She starts the car and we drive off. As we drives on, some unusual sound come from the back of the car. Sound like iron rod clinking. Something is wrong. She stops the car by the road side and I come down to check but nothing that I can see causes the sound. We make a U turn and head back to the workshop. At the workshop, the mechanic tests the car again and confirmed something is wrong with the new absorbers. The mechanic told us to wait for another one hour and half. It will be ready around 8.00pm. 

My wife looks at me with a funny smile on her face and said, “You better shut up your mouth. You are like your mother.” And I ask, “So we go to Mamak shop for a drink?” She responds, “Yeah! You want it!” We have our Valentine Dinner at Mamak Shop. I take rice with fried fish while she takes chicken fried rice with two tea ‘tarik’ which added up to RM8.00 as compare to RM62++ times two at Shogun and lesser at Sushi Tei.

The car is ready at 8.00pm, exactly at the time my Christian Meditation Class starts. Though I am not in the class but someone is keeping in the church area.

Then we head for Tropicana Mall and she hope to get something at Esprit. She gets nothing at Esprit and she just look at me with a meaningful stare.

Have I done anything wrong? I just want to go to my class.

May God bless you with heart full of love and mercy.  Amen. 

HAPPY VALENTINE DAY.

Jennifer, you ask for about my day on Valentine Day and this is my day.

Journey home for Christmas 2

Now our journey start again as we left Sarikei for Sibu at 5.25pm on December 22^nd. Tony Ngieng sent us to Sibu in his Toyota Hilux. The journey is very bumpy as if we are in a wavy sea. The road quality is good but the road is not level due to the swampy ground on which the road was constructed.

The roads from Sarikei to Sibu are well tarred as compare to Sibu to Dalat road which are mainly going through oil palm plantation. Actually these roads from Sibu to Mukah are plantation road which are used by the plantation workers to transport their crops to the processing factory. I agreed with Pak Uban, our beloved Chief Minister that these plantation speed up the link road from Sibu to Mukah. The people of Mukah, Oya, Dalat, Sg. Kut and Kebuwau appreciate that move by the government. No to be demanding but I think it's about time we upgrade the rough terrain to a proper road.

My sister Monica had a bad experience last month when her old Iswara got stuck in one of the hole on the road in upper Mukah area which damaged her front bumper. Maybe she is not careful enough but the point is, these rough terrain road are not fit for small vehicle unless you drive a 4 Wheel Drive like Toyata Hilux or Ford Ranger or Honda CRV.

People may say that I am comparing West Malaysia road with Sarawak Road as I am more familiar with NKVE, Puncak Alam Expressway, Plus or Jalan Universiti. Yes, I am comparing but not with these good road highways. I know apple has to be compared with apple and Sarawak Pineapple with Sarawak Pineapple. Someone did plant Sarawak Pineapple in West Malaysia and yet the one from Sarawak taste better. I am comparing with road like the road to Janda Baik, Road in Kampong Kok, Perak, road that goes through the rich paddy field in Kedah. I take away the Janda Baik road because the road was constructed around a mountain terrain. How about the road in Kedah that goes through the paddy field. Both are swampy area and have different quality of road. Why?

Are West Malaysia's engineers better than those in Sarawak? This cannot be as both have learned the same technique of road building as to what material to used, combination of material, how to tackle rough terrain, how to tackle soft ground or swampy area or sinking ground and yet we have the different product.

No one is to blame but we, beloved Sarawakian and Malaysian as a whole need to find a way to solve this problem once and for all. It's not about politics, it's not about race, it's not about complain, it's about the common good for the benefit of all. If we can find a way to solve the wavy road in Sarawak, then we can use the same techniques to solve the entire wavy road throughout the whole Malaysia.

I trust in DS Najib Tun Razak's voice of 1Malaysia and I believe it can be done if we work as a team of true Malaysia in heart. Not a slogan but our true self 1Malaysia.

Though Papa Chedet is no longer our Prime Minister but we can still hear the echo of his voice shouting at the top of his voice urging us to strive forward with the vision 2020 and be a developed nation by 2020.

At 11.30am on December 23^rd, we took a 600horsepower speedboat to Dalat which takes around 2hours. The boat was full of people, young and old, kids and adults. All of them are going home for Christmas though not all are Christian as some are Muslims and others are Buddist. The kids are having good times shouting and laughing while most of the adults are taking a nap including my wife. The wind is rushing from the front opening of the boat which gives us good cool air.

As our speedboat glide over the water along Igan River, I glanced outside the boat and saw the water in the river is low tide which will affect our journey to Dalat. In order to get to Dalat, we have to go through Kut River which connects to Oya River and Dalat is on the bank of Oya River.

We stopped at one of passenger's house but our engine just stop. Agnes ask me what is happening and I just shake my head and keep on typing in my blog. The engine won't start and we are floating down the Igan River. Babies are crying due to the hot weather and the ladies look worried. Agnes looks uneasy. I keep my cool and keep on writing.

At 12.21pm, the engines gave back the smiles on everyone faces as they can hear the roaring sound of the engine blasted to top speed. Fresh air rushing on our faces and the babies stop crying as the cool air comfort their warm little body. The adults smile at each other as a sign of relieve and gratitude.

Then at 12.51pm, we stop at Bungan village and drop a few passengers which include a young man with a young child who told me to be working in a hotel in Jalan Ampang area in Kuala Lumpur. And off we go again. Strong wind brushes my face and my thin hair and I love it. It's really like home with water, wave, strong wind and fresh air. I really missed this experience when I am working in an air-condition office in Petaling Jaya. This is real fresh and free.

At exactly 1.00pm, we reach Sg. Kut Muara. Then we take a van to Mother's house at Sg. Kut Tengah. My sister Monica also arrive at Mother's house at the same time and we get the house key from our neighbor.

We are safe home at last.

Thanks God for our safe journey and may all within us bless His Holy Name.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

 

 

Pray for the Soul of the Dead

Let us continue my journey from my earlier blog entitled Going Home for Christmas 2010.

I did mention in my earlier blog that I am going for a prayer for the soul of the dead on December 22rd but we decided to change it to early December 21st. 

Today is the day and we will be going to the cemetery to offer incense and prayer to Agnes’ beloved one who had gone to her rest. The morning is wet and it’s drizzling since the rain started at around 1.00 AM. 

Today I will miss my morning mass at St. Anthony Catholic Church as we plan to out early. We are ready to go at 7.00AM but the rain has not stopped completely.

My father-in law handed me his favorite coat and his hat and Agnes smile at me.  He said this will protect me from the cold weather. I wonder how about his own daughter, is she alright to get wet?  Then he gives Agnes a few small pin which he believes these pin will protect his daughter from the bad spirit at the cemetery later. Agnes looks at me and I shake my head to indicate to her that I do not need the pin.

At 7.20AM, Agnes brother, Tony comes to fetch us and we have our breakfast at a nearby coffee shop then we head for his home cum factory. There we take the other apparatus for offering and bought a bouquet of flower to be placed at his mother’s tomb. We change the car from his Black Perudua MyVy to his new Toyota Hilux as we have to go through rough terrain.

At 8.10AM, we head for the Sarikei Christian Cemetery which takes around 30m minutes drive. Along the way, I see a few new building without windows and one is about six stories high. Tony explained to us that these building are the house for birds to build their nest. [Rose, maybe you know the name of this bird, ‘manok kepisan’ or silver swift]. Beside Sarawak Pineapple and green Orange, Bird nest is one of Sarikei main product. In my mind I thought, “These people really mean business.” It’s good that they build these building outside the town and residential area as the birds can be very noisy when they came home to sleep. And they throw their drops everywhere.

When we arrive at the cemetery, the rain has stopped and a few people were already at the cemetery. Tony parked his Toyota Hilux at the roadside not far far from the main path.

We take two umbrellas in case of raining again. Tony carries a big box which contains paper money, incense and candle. His wife carries a big container of water, cloths, a bit of newspapers and a broom. I carry a bouquet of flower. I look around and I see that all the tombs were marked with a cross .  Then we walk on the slippery path with care until we reach the tomb of Agnes’ mother.

Tony put the big box which he carried on his broad shoulder at one side of the tomb and start to clean the tomb with paper while his wife opens a container of water and ask him to pour the water on the tomb instead. Thus he pours the water on the tomb and warp with a dry cloth. His son and I pull out a few weeds around the tomb.

Once the tomb cleaned, Tony light up two candles and put on a coke tin as the floor is still wet and light up three incenses which Agnes explained to me of what Tony is doing,  as an offering to ask for permission to open the door of prayer to the dead. I cover his candles and incense with my umbrella as the few drops of rain fall.

Then Tony arranges the bouquet of flower in a vase on the tomb and start to light the incense of offering. He gives each one of us three stick of incenses each and I am the last to do the offering.

I offer up my prayer to God for her soul asking for mercy, forgiveness of sin and everlasting rest, one Hail Mary and three incenses stick. 

I keep praying to God, hoping to get some sign of presence. But I receive nothing, not even a stirring in my heart.  It’s just peace.That is good enough for me.

Then comes the time for burn offering of paper money with their believe that the soul of the dead will not be poor with this offering. As for me, I am burning these papers as part of the ritual and pray to God that the sin of the soul be forgiven and have eternal rest.

Most of Agnes’ cousins wonder why I am doing prayer for the soul of the dead. Most of Agnes’ cousins are Methodist and they do not offer incense and prayer for the soul of the dead. Their argument is that this practice is not in the Holy Bible. Therefore it is not Christian practice. 

True it’s not in the Protestant Bible but before 1517, it’s in the Holy Bible. This tradition had been taken out of their version of the Bible as this tradition was found in the 2^nd book Maccabees. The Book of Maccabees is one of the four books taken out of the Protestant Bible.

This practice can be found in 2^nd Maccabees 12 verse 39 to verse 45 on the Prayers for those killed in Battle.

42 and they turned to supplication, praying that the sin that had been committed be wholly blotted out. The noble Judas exhorted the people to keep themselves free from sin, for they had seen with their own eyes what had happened as the result of sin of those who had fallen.

43 He also took up a collection, man by man, to the amount of two thousand drachmas of silver, and sent it to Jerusalem to provide for a sin offering. In doing this, he acted very well and honorably taking account of the resurrection.

44 For if he was not expecting that those who had fallen would rise again, it would have been superfluous and foolish to pray for the dead.

45 But if he was looking to the splendid reward that is laid up for those who fallen asleep in godliness, it was a holy and pious thought. Therefore he made atonement for the dead, so that they might be delivered from their sin.

2Maccabees 12:42-45 (NRSV)

This is the reading which Catholic Church reads on the All Souls Day which falls on November 2^nd every year.

My mind recalled my experience of praying for the dead.

Years back, I read of a Book called Soul in Purgatory and the  Saints’ experience of praying for the soul in purgatory. And I said to myself, “if Saints can do it, I also can with God will.” 

So when Agnes having her 3^rd miscarriage, I start to pray for the soul of the three miscarriages, my grandparents, my uncles, my aunties, my friends  even those I read in the newspapers. Days turn into weeks and weeks into months and nothing happen. I said, “Cannot be!”

On the eight month at my normal time of morning pray that is at 3.00AM, I heard many voices as I walk down the stairs in my house. It’s as if our house is full of people but I could not see. They are very joyful and they are waiting for someone.

Then someone shout, “He is coming already! He is coming already!”

They are waiting for me!!!

The hair at the back of my neck rise and ghost bum covered my body.  I am afraid of the thing I cannot see.  I am scared to my bone. 

In my fright, I pray, “Jesus, help me!” 

And I rush back to my room and grab my Bible and hold it tight to my chest. Pull my blanket and wait for the morning to come. 

I told my wife about this experience and she said, “Don’t play, you know. It’s dangerous.”

Since that day, I never pray for the soul of the dead until recently when I met Father Ignatius Huan during my retreat at Maranatha, Janda Baik, Pahang last October. During my personal meeting with him, I shared this experience with him and  he told me that I am growing in my spiritual life. 

And I learn very important lesson, the soul of the dead is longing for our prayer and the Saints’ experiences were REAL. 

With this I would like to urge, those who read this sharing, PLEASE PRAY for the soul of the dead especially your love ones. They are longing for your prayer and your prayers will bring comfort and joy for their soul.

You prayer can be as simple as, “God, Have mercy on XX. Grant her a good rest or give her comfort.” Or “ O Jesus, have mercy on YY, Forgive his sin.”

Believe me this is a good deed because my heart is stirring as I write this blog.

Mercy to All and Peace to the world.

Merry Christmas and may the peace of Christ be always within us.