Personal Vocation Retreat with Fr. Ignatius Huan-P2

Part 2 - Personal Vocation Retreat with Fr. Ignatius Huan



WE, Francis, Ken, Lily and I heading for Bangsar in Brother Francis trusted Proton Wira. Brother Francis is in the driving seat and he is a good driver and know Bangsar well.

Ken told us that Bangsar main landmark are KFC and Maybank, the good place where people hang out during the night.

We drive on, looking for Lorong Telasik 8 where the Priest we are going to fetch. I thought we are lost but after a few turns we arrived at the place. There a couple meet us and the Priest is coming out with his bags. He takes the front seat and three of us at the back seat. Just nice.

Everyone in the car, seems to know him except me. We drive on towards Janda Baik. They seems to be complaining about everything from public transport to road signs.

In may heart, i said, "Why complain? This is our beloved country, if not right, fix it." And i pray, "God, help them not to complain to much but to appreciate more."


While the rest were busy, i write my prayer in my journal.


"O God, my beloved Father and Creator. God of Abraham, God of Isaac, God of Jacob, I love you above all created things and beings even life itself. You are my All in All."

"O Jesus, beloved of the Father, I love you. Transform me into another Christ and live your life. Let me be one with you, now and forever. Amen."

"O Holy Spirit, the Consoler, the Love of God, I love you. Possess me and use me as you will for the glory of God. Lead me and i will follow. Prompt me and i will obey as the Father's will. In Jesus name, i pray. Amen."

"Jesus, I love you."

"Heavenly Father, bless your priest, Father Ignatius Huan and anoint him as you have always done. In Jesus name. Amen."

"Heavenly Father, We are in a car travel to Maranatha to learn to please you and to be used by you. Kenny Cham, Francis Khoo, Lily and your priest Father Ignatius Huan. Father, keep us safe. In Jesus name. Amen."


Then we reach a small road turn in to Janda Baik and yet we miss the turn.


In my heart, i ask, "Do they know where they are going?" I pray, "Lord, help us and show us the way." I snap a few pictures along the way. Later we found out that we are going the wrong way, turn back and follow Ken's instruction of the route to follow.













As we drive on, we can see Maranatha Retreat House up the hill. Thanks God, we are safely arrive at our destinantion.

We unload our bags and check in. My room is Room 101 and my room mate is brother Nelson Gow. Joseph Wong told me Nelson is his BEC's CC. I wonder what is CC. I said in my heart, "maybe Nelson is the leader. Wow! in my room! How if i snore too loud."






I pray, "Lord, help me." My heart rejoice when i see the chapel. In my heart, i said "if like this i can pray the whole night." A soft stirring emerge in my heart and i said, "Yes, Lord."



I go downstair to check my room 101. It is a small room underneath the stairs but look unique. My heart grumble, "how can my room so small? Other people has big and better room."


The stirring comes again, i sense the voice said, "it's not the room, it's ME that matter." I respond, "Yes, Lord." My grumbling heart turn to joy for having a unique room with a unique number 101 which number i translate as Father, Son and the Holy Spirit.

Then i saw a push at the door and a handsome man of early forties with smiles on his face enter the room. I greet him by saying, "Hi, I am John." He respond, "I am Nelson." He will be my room mate for the next 3 days and 3 nights.


Our first lesson is ......SILENT!!!!!!

Father Ignatius put on a slid which says:

Tools for Making a Good Retreat.

• Silence & Solitude to be with God
• Docile, Discerning & Listening heart
• Awareness examen - finding God in all things
• Gratitude & Repentance
• Events -> Experience
• Praying the Scriptures
• Lectio Divina
• Ignatian Contemplation
• Keeping Journal

I tell myself this is good. Then someone at the back of me whispering, "I forget to bring my Bible". It's Sister Lily who was in the same car with me. I do not know why i bring up two Bibles and i lend her my Jerusalem Bible. In my heart i say, "God knows everything even those who in need of something. He will provide."

Then this music sooth our soul.








You are Mine by David Haas.
(O God, Bless David Haas and grant him a healthy body and mind in order for him to praise and glorify your Name. In Jesus name. Amen.))
When the lecture finish, our curfew start....SILENT...no talking until the next lecture.

In the silent, my heart stirs.......and i respond, "Speak, Lord. Your servant is listening."
Then i sense a soothing and comfort voice in my heart which says:
"John, I have called you many times and yet you always said you are not ready. "

The words just keep coming...which i can not write here because it's too long and too personal and it's all about love.

Note: Today, i have learned something. If the word is for you alone...do not share with others or else your heart will be reckless and not at peace. That's the main reason, i deleted most of the words i received which i have written here earlier.

With joy, gladness and gratitude in my heart, with love i respond,

"Thank you, Jesus. Now i understand and I am ready to do your Father's Will and be your sign. Command me and I will follow. Praise and glory be to God. Thank you, Jesus."

----to be continue in Part 3

Personal Vocation Retreat with Father Ignatius Huan

My mind wondering as to what sort of retreat is this with a theme Personal Vocation.

Is it for me? Would my wife allow me to join the Retreat?

Then i said...ask a favour from God to flood my wife's heart with His love so that she may allow me to join the retreat. God is Good and faithful to all His Creatures.

Good news!!! My wife ask, when is your retreat? Have you register?

I just answer....YES..YES...with my heart tickling with joy.

God is always very good to me which i really appreciated yet i felt unworthy for His abundant graces and blessings. Yet He pour and pour His love with a nudge, 'I LOVE YOU'.

As those words, 'I lOVE YOU' touch me inner being, my mind fly over the sea....the South China Sea to the one i love and the images of my old parents materialised in my mind....my heart felt heavy as i see my old mum stared blankly at her paddy field...she is really lonely, she missed her sons and daughters. She roll a cigar in her right and slowly she moved her left hand to her left cheek as a few drops of tears roll down her face. Her breathing has become unstable as she moves her left hand to her chest and grab her naked chest. I know she is crying inside...longing for her sons and daughters. The load become heavier when added with the caring of a blind husband who is very stubbone.

"Mum, we will be back for Christmas!!"

Then my mind turn back to this retreat...who is this Father Ignatius Huan.

Only lady said, "He is very good and annointed." Others said, "his retreat always full house".
Then the lady said, "normally he limit his retreat to 25 participants."

In my silence, i ask myself, "Is this the right retreat for me? I am only a child in my faith."

I look for more information on him and the information i get from Maranatha Retreat House 2010 Retreat Schedule...is this.

Fr. ignatius Huan, trained in the Spiritual Exercise of St. Ignatius and experienced in giving Ignatioan retreats. He is currently the Spiritual Director and Moral Theologian.

I said to myself, this is the Spiritual Exercise I am practicing. This is good. I will be at home with this retreat...and i signed up for the retreat which takes 4days and 3nights at Maranatha Retreat House, Janda Baik. The retreat start from 5pm, Thursday, 28th Oct to Sunday, 31st Oct 2010.

Still another week to go for the retreat......

On Monday, Oct 25th, I went to st. Ignatius Church for my LRSS class which will start at 8.00pm. There is no evening mass as all the priest are having Recollection Retreat in Port Dickson.

I walk towards the Church and i saw 3 adults busy taking pictures. I greet them and ask them of their country of origin.

Then a guy holding a new born baby whom later i know as Jake answered, " We are from Philippines and we come for evening Mass".

Further he ask me, "Are you a priest here?"

In my heart i pray, "Lord, What sort of question is this?" No words except a warm stirring in my heart. With a smile, i said.."No. I am not a priest." And i added, "today no mass as the priests are having recollections.

Then we share the goodness and faithfullnes of God. They are singing instructors from Philippines and they believe and trust in God. Actually they want the priest to baptise their new born baby.

As we were talking another family comes with a son (15) and a daughter(19). An Indian origin from Taiping, Perak. I smile at them and greet them.

The Father of the family introduce themselves, "We are from Taiping, Perak. we are looking for a priest. Maybe we can get a souvenir." Then the question come...."Are you a priest here?"

In my heart, i said.."Not again, Lord". In my innerself, i sense the voice said, "i love you." I repond, "I love you too."

I am touch and i give the my precious Italy Rosewood Rosary. Well what else can i give as they looking for souvenir. God gives me love and i give them Rosary. May their recitation of the Holy Rosary be pleasing to the Lord and Mother Mary.

As the taiping's family moved away, i turn to Jake and ask....

"Do i look like a priest?"

Jake answered, "Yeah! You look like a priest. you talk like a priest, you act like a priest even i thought you are a priest."

I said, "Ooo, is it?"

Deep inside my innerself, i said, "Lord, is this my prayer answered, 'make me another Christ as St. Paul pray, "Live i, not I but Christ lives in me"?

I felt like dancing as the living water stirring my soul.

Then the day came. It's Thursday, Oct 28th.

Early in the mornng before we leave home i said to my wife, all these kitten will die one by one.
You will knock them with your car. My wife respond, "Don't say like that!!!"

My wife send me to the St. Ignatius Church at Taman Plaza. I sense her sadness as she left me at the Chruch. I am waiting for Brother Francis and Brother Ken as I am car pool with them for the trip to Janda Baik. There also i meet a sister whom i know later as Lily.

At 2.30pm, we start our journey from SIC and head for Bangsar to fetch a priest, Father Ignatius Huan.

--to be continued...

Holy Bible found it's home

Peace be with you.
I am a person who like to collect holy scriptures or God's inspired books and I keep them in a special place in my home. I also put them in my backpack as my companion where ever I go. Even in my office, I am with the Word because I believe the Author of those books is the Spirit of God. Man is only writting down the inspired words as they come in their minds. I believe the Holy Bible is the Word of God and I believe in the Holy Spirit who dwells in the baptised Christian.

In the evening of Wednesday, June 10th, 2009 the weather is sunny and abit hazy in Petaling Jaya, Selangor. At 5.15pm while in the office, my friend Chew Chee Long said, "It's too hot outside! How to jog?" I answer, " It's ok and it's better than raining."
I take off my office attire in our office store and put on my Red Liverpool Jersey with a Red Liverpool Cap and a jogging trousers. I am very eager to go for this season because last week I had missed the season due to illness. I come out of the store room and Chew Chee Long turn to change into his jogging tracksuit. We hit the road at 5:30pm and off through Jalan Universiti, Rothman Roundabout, pass Wisma Kemajuan and head for a small road to Paramount Garden. From Paramount Garden, we take another small road and go through rows of beautiful banglows until we reach Maz International School. This area is called Taman Aman, a recreational area for Petaling Jaya community.
As we jog, I am always complaining of tiredness and yet I force myself to finish two rounds. The air is not good for out door exercise and this is shown by Chew Chee Long frequently put his hand towel over his nose and mouth. Beside the two rounds and I also manage to do two sets of 4 chin up exercise on the high bar.
Then we head for home. As we reach the rows of the newly renovated banglows which we passed earlier, I saw a blue paper in a distant on the road side in the midst of the cut grass. It attract me and as we came nearer, I have a closer look and I saw a Chinese character with a cross on the paper. More its not a paper but a book which is a bit dirty and in the middle of the book, I saw the WORD .....

"THE HOLY BIBLE"

I pick it up and said with a bit of anger in my voice, "How come these people throw the Bible like this? Very bad, you know!" A maid is staring at us from a distant as she throw a bag of waste into the rubbish bin. Chew Chee Long, said, "Ya lah.." I clean the cover with my hand and now it's clear...blue colour, pocket size 6" x 4" with this word in the front cover....

"THE HOLY BIBLE (NEW TESTAMENT) Chinese and English Bilingual Edition"

A closer look: its a New King James Version, THE GIDEONS INTERNATIONAL.

I still wonder why this happen, Holy Bible on the road side. Is it accidently drop or purposely drop?

My heart is rejoicing, as I have a new Bible and very excited to open my first verse as we walk back. I flip and its new inside and the marker is place at the back of the holy Bible which indicate its never been used. I open and my FIRST verse from this new Holy Bible....

"I thank You, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that You have hidden these things from the wise and prudent and revealed them to babes. Even so, Father, for so it seems good in Your sight." (Luke 10:21b NKJV) (The Word of Lord Jesus as He rejoices in the Spirit.)

I said, "WOW! GOD!" and I close the Holy Bible immediately but those words I keep in my mind and heart as I walk back with the Bible in my hand. My mouth singing and my heart rejoicing.

When we reach the office, I am very eager to tell my wife and her boss about my finding. I place the Holy Bible on Agnes' table and Chew Chee Long picks it up and open and said, " Go to Seap Reap" and he laughs. The rest of us laugh with him but my heart tickle. Then I went upstairs to my own working table and I open the Holy Bible the SECOND times. This time it read......

"Go out of your country, go out of your relatives and come to the land that I will show you." (These word were for Father Abraham. These word, I have posted on my Facebook: John Ragai http://www.new.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1017609516 . My Friend, Muse Omokhabi ask me to pray on these words.)

This time, I really scared and close the Holy Bible again and wonder, "Is this Bible talking to me?" The hair of my neck are standing as i keep the Holy Bible in my backpack. I keep another verse in my heart.

As my wife, Agnes drives home, we talk on this Holy Bible and the two verses. When we reach home, Agnes do not let me bring the Holy Bible into our house because she said that maybe the bad spirit is with the Holy Bible. Obediently, I place nicely the Holy Bible in the back seat of Agnes' car.

Though my heart is trouble during the night while watching TV until almost midnight. Before I switch off the TV, I said to myself I have to open the Holy Bible the THIRD times. With joy in my heart, I open the house door and go for the Holy Bible in the back seat of the car. I flip open the pages and go to the porch light to see what the Holy Bible said. My eyes catch thse word....

"Now the just shall live by faith; but if anyone draws back, my soul has no pleasure in him."
(Hebrews 10:38 NKJV) This is God's promise for those who live by faith in GOD.

This time, I am confident that GOD is talking to me and the Holy Bible is looking for a HOME.

On the June 11th, The Holy Bible is place in my home after I sprinkle the Holy Bible with the Holy Water. I am yet to open the Holy Bible again. Once I open, I will add the verse in this blog.

Peace be with you.

Glory be to God, my beloved One, King of the Universe, Creator of All.

Holy Spirit, my beloved friend

Today, Saturday the sixth day of the week, May 23rd, 2009 and it had been seven years since I had been first introduced to a new friend, the promise of my Lord Jesus Christ before his Ascension to His Father in Heaven. As the Apostles and Saints believed and trust in the WORD of my Lord Jesus Christ and I also believe and trust in those WORD and it comes to pass. The WORD is the PROMISE as the WORD is the flesh of life.

Before I know Him personally and have a relationship with Him , I knew Him as a far away devine being or my old self used to called Him as Holy Ghost. I am scared of ghost in those days as a young boy in a Catholic Mission School, St. Kevin Primary. What more to say Spirit!

What about Jesus? I knew Jesus just as a character in a story book called HOLY BIBLE. Nothing more than that. Then I went to Kelantan to continue my Secondary and the Ustaz and Ustazah over there teach me more about Prophets especially their Prophet Muhammad and little about Jesus whom they called Isa Al-maseh. My seven years in Kelantan had been wonderful and I knew alot about their religion, ISLAM. At one point, I even thinking of marrying a Kelantanese and have an eye on one particular girl name Siti Zaiton who lives in Lemal, Pasir Mas, Kelantan. She is cute, friendly, caring, beautiful and worthy to be a wife. Her father used to ask me to convey a special message to my father of which I never tell my father about my future in that family. The Kelantanese are wonderful caring people and they have a unique tag "ORANG KITA". Everywhere you go, you are safe as long as you are a Kelantanese because of the "ORANG KITA." (It's a unique brotherhood of Kelantanese.)

Did the Ustazah has ever ask me to convert to Islam?
O Yes! My good friend Ustazah ask me several time to convert to Islam as she considered that I am good in my knowledge of what they had taught me and ready for the next step. I have a major obstacle for the conversion to take place because the thing I ask from them only God can give. Pure of Heart which lead to NO anger, greed, jelousy, envy, aldultery and able to love of all created beings and things without prejudice. I may confess a thousand times to be an ISLAM but only GOD can give me Pure Heart.

My journey continues until I get married but do not have children. Now I thanks God for we have no children, if not I may never search for Him any further. Then my searching start again looking for GOD with a special tag from the Holy Bible, "BLESSED ARE THE PURE IN HEART, FOR THEY SHALL SEE GOD."(Mt 5:8) And I pray for the purity of heart and nothing else, not money and gold or health and good life or wisdom and knowledge or baby just PURE of HEART. I desired IT badly as a husband desire a wife. God is good and he answer my prayer when I convert to a Catholic in the year 2003. My baptism with the water in the Name of the Father, The Son and the Holy Spirit is normal but my confirmation of a SEAL of LOVE with the Holy Spirit is special which I and my wife will never forget.

On that particular morning, at 5.30am, March 26th, 2003 during my morning prayer....GOD the Creator of Heaven grant me the privilage to experience the manifestation of the Holy Spirit. My heart was flooded with love and joy, my lips praising my Lord but my words were replaced by an unknown sound which now I knew as a Gift of Tongue. My body were shaking as I could not contained the surge of graces and blessing. My eyes and face covered with tears as I felt of my sinfulness and unworthiness of all these. And in my terribling I ask, "who are you?" He answered me, "I am the One who was with the Prophets of Old, with Mary and Jesus." He said many things but the most important He said, "Repent and come back."
Then I rushed to my wife in the next room and I told her many things but she understand none because I talk gibberish. (Later i knew at that moment I am speaking in tongues). I take a piece of paper and write down but I wrote something like arabic or Hebrew and it's flowing as if I am very good at this written words. My wife is scared and I am full of joy with praises filled my heart.
At noon, my wife contact the elders of the church and told them that I am NOT OK. When I heard my wife mentioned the WORD "Church", my heart explode again with joy and murmur to myself, "I am going home." At the Church, my joy is complete. As I walked in the church, with my hands held high I sing praises at the top of my heart, praising God, my Heavely Father and my Lord Jesus Christ. At last, I have arrived at the HEART that I desired so much. The PURE HEART. I thought I was insane but one thing I realised I am a NEW MAN. My old self is dead and my new self is alive and full of love. What man can not do, GOD can. I knew my brothers still can not accept my new self even after seven years because they prefer my old self who was naif, no confident, easy to be push around, having low self-esteem, hate the church and having a blurr future.

I pray, "May God open their heart to accept me as He mould me to be. In Jesus name, I ask. Amen."

Eversince that day, I can not live a single moment without Him as I felt naked or incomplete without Him. Praise and Glory be to GOD forever and ever for His wonderful deeds.

Last Thursday was the Day of Solemnity of the Ascension of the Lord Jesus Christ into Heaven and on Friday, 22nd May 2009, we started the Novena to the Holy Spirit in preparation for Pentecost Celebration, the Outpouring of the Holy Spirit.

To all who believe in Jesus of Nazareth, who died on the Cross and raise again with a PROMISE of the Holy Spirit, may the same Spirit Holy as promise be with you all. Amen.
*
Come, Holy Spirit,
fill the hearts of Thy faithful
and enkindle in them the fire of Thy love.
*
Send forth Thy Spirit and they shall be created.
*
And Thou shall renew the face of the earth.

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Let us sing:
Come, Holy Spirit, I need you.
Come, sweet Spirit, I pray.
Come with your strength and power,
Come in your own gentle way.