I am falling in love again

Friday is a day of peace and a day of letting go of our desires and wants. It’s a day of purification of our minds and bodies and be one with our real self or our inner self. 

Some even fast on Friday and others abstain from meat, just to purify themselves. Catholic observes abstain from meat for the rest of their lives on Friday for this very purpose. The choice lies on the believer though. It’s not a sin to eat meat on Friday but the profit of the action is much greater for our inner selves.

Our real selves are pure as our creator is pure and holy. It’s the world and it’s creations that defile our real selves. But we need these ‘dirt’ to make us humble to realize of who we really are. These ‘dirt’ is also known by many names and some called it as temptation or tribulation or trial. These ‘dirt’ is not sin but we are sinful when we allow ourselves to be engage in the ‘dirt’ though we know it can make us dirty. These ‘dirt’ even bring us closer to God if we know it’s profitability. It’s like a fire that burn the dirty gold ore into shining gold. There is pain and suffering involved but the benefit is a hundred fold if we are able to overcome it.

We may throw ourselves in the dirt knowingly as the dirt is already within us since we are born. We lost our rest and peace once we are born into the world. Our whole life in the world is a journey to get back the rest and peace that we lost at birth. Some called this rest as God’s Presence or Grace.

Our beloved God and Creator has these to say to us while we are playing and covering ourselves in the dirt, in Psalm 95:11,

”Therefore in my anger I swore, “They shall never enter my rest.”

And yet God is always calling us back to him day and night as the Psalmist in Psalm 95 proclaimed,

“O that today you would listen to His voice! Do not harden your hearts, as at Meribah…”

God further stress on listening in the Gospel of Luke 9:35 which read,

Then from the cloud came a voice that said, “This is my Son, my Beloved; listen to him!” 

I know I complain and talk more than listening to God even to his Word.

And yet I am always longing for His Presence as that is the real rest for me. Since I was a child in my Primary school, I always keep one of my favorite beatitude close to my heart. It’s was taken from the Holy Bible, Matthew 5:8

“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.”

I am longing to see God and be with Him as a Father with his child. But the world teaches me that you can only see God when you die. 

Wow! That’s scared me. 

The truth is you do not have to die to be with God. God is always ‘there’. It’s me who is not ‘there’. I follow my own will not his will. My own will is always corrupted with greed and selfishness but his will is for the common good and the best for me. Why I do not follow the examples of the prophets of old and my Lord Jesus who cried to their God, “Thy will be done!”? 

God switches to channel 95.5 to talk to me and I turn to channel 88.8 because of the good number and yet I said, God never talk to me because I can not hear due to the wrong channel. I blame God though I am at fault. 

By God mercy and forgiveness, slowly I switch to the right channel through prayer and guidance of my elders in the Church.

Do I become more holy and free of trial and temptation? 

Nah. 

The journey becomes tougher and the temptation becomes more frequent and heavier. The falls become my teacher. And each fall drives me to be stronger and walk closer to God who filled my heart with his love and transform my pain and suffering into joy in midst of crisis. That is real peace, the peace within. I make full use of His gift to the Church which is the Sacrament of Reconciliation. My skull maybe thick but I believe God always forgive and full of mercy.

I pray for myself.

“Have mercy on me, O God. I am a sinner from my mother’s womb. Forgive me for my sin. I desire nothing in heaven but you. I want nothing on earth but to be with you, hear your voice and do your will. Let me speak what you want me to speak, Let me hear what you want me to hear. Let me see what you want me to see. Let I be completely yours now and forever.”

And I pray for others,

“O God, Bless those eyes that see me, Blessed those ears that hear me, Bless those hands that help me, Bless those feet that comes to me, Bless those minds that think of me, Bless those hearts that have compassion and mercy for me. Bless those whom I touch today. Llet those touch be not mine but yours. Let those touch be a touch of love. Let those touch be a touch peace. Let those be a touch of forgiveness. Let those touch be a touch of healing and unity. Let those touch bring them back to you. I believe and trust in you alone, O God. In Jesus precious name, I pray. Amen.”

And I believe in His promise in Psalm 91:14-16 (NRSV)

“Those who love me, I will deliver; I will protect those who know my name. When they call to me, I will answer them; I will be with them in trouble, I will rescue them and honor them. With long life I will satisfy them, and show them my salvation.”

My heart overflow with the sweetness of his love, my being is in the fragrant of his presence and my mouth proclaim to the world, 

“I am falling in love again!”

“I am falling in love with you, O God, the One who created me.”

Valentine Day 2011

Today is February 14^th, a special day for all couples in the world and I want to make it special too. 

As I woke up this morning, I have a plan in my mind of what I am going to do today…to celebrate this special day. On the other hand tonight I am having a class on Christian Meditation at 8.00pm. My heart said, “Go for the class!” but I pushed it aside. Funny. My heart was not filled with joy and love but reckless. I do not even utter my normal morning “I love You” to my wife. Worst still it’s difficult for me to say, “Happy Valentine Day” to anyone. I said to myself, “this is not good. Something or someone is playing with my life today.”

We go to the office as normal and on the way along NKVE my wife asked, “Where are we going tonight?” I responded, “Sushi Tei at Tropicana Mall!” And she cut it off with, “Can we change to non-Japanese food or not?” and added “You want to go to church is it?” I just kept quite but in my heart I pray, “God, help me.”

In the office, we worked as normal and at around 12.45pm, my wife called and informed me that we will be going out to repair her car at a workshop near St. Ignatius Church, Kelana Jaya. My heart said, “I bring you to the church!” I said, “Cannot be!” and forget about it. 

We send the car to the workshop to replace the two rear absorbers and it will be ready in two hours. Then we go for lunch at a RM2.00 Buddhist Vegetarian shop which cost us RM4.00 for food and RM2.00 for 100plus. Cheap lunch but taste good. After lunch we took a cab to the office with cost us RM7.20 but my wife gives the driver RM7.50. 

As evening approach, I ask my friends for a lift to Paramount LRT Station but most of them have their own plan. The rain added the difficulty to our journey as it starts at 4.30pm. But I believe we can make it. I called my wife and she told me that she want to go to Esprit Shop at Tropicana Mall after we get the car. And I respond, “Esprit! Not again!” With a bit down and sadness in my heart I pray, “God, help me.” 

At around 5.50pm, my wife immediate superior send us to Paramount LRT Station. In the car, my wife informed me that earlier today she had also called  Shogun Japanese Restaurant at One Utama but it’s fully booked for today. Today food at Shogun cost RM62++ per pax. And we took a LRT to Kelana Jaya LRT Station which cost us RM1.00 each. Then we walk to the car workshop at Taman Plaza which takes us 8 minutes. It’s faster than if I am walking alone. How come?

The church is in front of us and heart glow with gladness. My wife’s car is parked in front of Loong Foong Chinese Restaurant. My wife said, “The car is ok already!” And I respond, “It should be!”

We go straight to the cashier for payment and it’s amounting to RM508. The mechanic informed her that they also done the car balancing and now it’s in good condition. In the front of the workshop, I said to my wife, “can we have a drink at the Mamak shop?” My wife responds, “Not need lo. We will have dinner at Tropicana Mall and I want to go to Esprit.” I am rejected again but in my heart I pray, “God, help me.”

As we walk to the car, my wife presses the car’s key button and the car lock!!!. In an angry voice, my wife cried in frustration, “What! They didn’t lock my car?! She looks in the car and finds nothing missing. She starts the car and we drive off. As we drives on, some unusual sound come from the back of the car. Sound like iron rod clinking. Something is wrong. She stops the car by the road side and I come down to check but nothing that I can see causes the sound. We make a U turn and head back to the workshop. At the workshop, the mechanic tests the car again and confirmed something is wrong with the new absorbers. The mechanic told us to wait for another one hour and half. It will be ready around 8.00pm. 

My wife looks at me with a funny smile on her face and said, “You better shut up your mouth. You are like your mother.” And I ask, “So we go to Mamak shop for a drink?” She responds, “Yeah! You want it!” We have our Valentine Dinner at Mamak Shop. I take rice with fried fish while she takes chicken fried rice with two tea ‘tarik’ which added up to RM8.00 as compare to RM62++ times two at Shogun and lesser at Sushi Tei.

The car is ready at 8.00pm, exactly at the time my Christian Meditation Class starts. Though I am not in the class but someone is keeping in the church area.

Then we head for Tropicana Mall and she hope to get something at Esprit. She gets nothing at Esprit and she just look at me with a meaningful stare.

Have I done anything wrong? I just want to go to my class.

May God bless you with heart full of love and mercy.  Amen. 

HAPPY VALENTINE DAY.

Jennifer, you ask for about my day on Valentine Day and this is my day.